Duality_entry 2

My ex wife was a lovely woman. Our relationship was a total failure, however. You might say that makes me responsible for the failure of that relationship. For a long time I thought that. But rules of logic do not quite apply when it comes to duality.
I’m one of those unrealistically strong people. I can work on 10 projects, fix all ongoing problems, develop my multiple hobbies, and maintain a varied social life. But that’s of course only one side of the story. Equally, I’m always suffering from an illness of some kind while neglecting both my physical and emotional needs. I’m a perfectionist and I get frustrated when things don’t get done (that’s why I do most things myself), and I can also have a rather short temper. I’m tense an I’m intense. And I can multi-task like a real Vishnu. But…It would be difficult to call me a chilled out person. But my ex wife is of course the opposite of me. She’s calm and grounded. She doesn’t do multi-tasking. And you can’t rush her – something I’ve learnt the hardest way. But when you lack experience judging others by your own standards is a very common mistake one can make. But to avoid further speculation, I can firmly say that my ex wife created a sense of security and stability in my life. It was very soothing for a maniac like myself. But. It wasn’t enough. She equally couldn’t relate to my way of living. She didn’t have so many interests. And she didn’t need to have a varied social life. I dragged her along to many events. I pushed her forward making sure she progresses in her career and other areas of life. I was the engine. And the engine broke down eventually. And there wasn’t anybody to fix the engine. As it turned out my ex wife didn’t need that pushing and dragging. All of that effort was a complete waste if my energy and time. It was disappointing. Naturally, I chose someone afterwards who was the complete opposite of my ex wife, but that was also not enough for me. For every plus there’s a minus. This universal law creates tension. This tension manifests itself in internal conflicts, external conflicts, and in any sort of interpersonal communication. Some people seem to be naturally gifted at accepting other people’s faults. I’m not one of those rare species. I’m ruthless towards myself and I’m ruthless towards others. Although, accepting my own flaws did improve this ill fated situation. Nobody’s perfect as they say. This attitude might reduce the tension between the opposite parts, but making someone less perfect also reduces their ‘extraordinariness’. I guess that tolerant folk also doesn’t expect much from their relationships. But I still do. And I guess for as long as I do duality will remain a big issue in my life. “Those who don’t take risks also don’t drink champagne” – as an old Russian proverb declares. It’s difficult, however, to make jokes about duality when you look at the trace of previous relationships, which turned from something very special to something that can be equated to nothing.


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