Archive for October, 2012

mother

Posted in Uncategorized on October 31, 2012 by Linata

my mother is a ‘virgo’

she’s the opposite of me

i’m an antidote to her 

while i dream of the impossible

and seek truth

my mother is driven by the practical

focused on the tangible

when i speculate about impermanency

my mother does not waste time thinking

she likes structures

she likes results

i like ideas

i crave space

she strives for perfection

i’m fond of imperfections

she knows how to mask a scar

i see beauty in a scar

i understand vastness

she appreciated details

when i look at her constantly in motion, rushing, building, preserving

i get sad

when she looks at me and lack of clear direction in my life

she gets sad

i pity her

she pities me

that’s how we love each other. 

 

PS according to Hindu beliefs people who hated each other in previous life meet as parents and children in the next lifetime

Violent feelings

Posted in Uncategorized on October 27, 2012 by Linata

Everyone I loved hit me on the face
at least once.
Or other body parts.
One lover tried to choke me even…
All of my main loves humiliated me in front of others.
My own mother called me a whore and slapped my face…
So if u ask me
Love = violence
And it’s not the same as domestic abuse
One must realise that both love and hate can be the roots of violence.
One is meant to cause u pain while another one is resulted by one’s own suffering.

Of course in both cases it hurts –

nothing justifies violence.

And…nothing can be resolved by silence.
I wish I talked more to people I loved.
Equally I wish they were
open to express their true feelings…
Time heals.
Wounds become scars.
Everything that has never been resolved eats you from inside –
It kills u slowly
It becomes cancer.

The spear of a destiny are stickin’ on right through me

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2012 by Linata

Be mindful of the prayers you send
Pray hard but pray with care
For the tears you are cryin’ now
Are just your answered prayers
Ladders of life we scale merrily
Move mysteriously around
So that when you think you’re climbin’ up, man
In fact you’re climbin’ down

-Nick Cave

uni_verse

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2012 by Linata

i was looking for peace

intensely

attentively

i looked under the sheets of my past

i looked loudly or quietly

i looked inside people’s shadows

compassionately

passionately

i looked at the sun outside

it burnt my shameless eyes

words looked at me

passively

aggressively

I was running out of thoughts

or even feelings

turned out what i needed was chaos

my world exploded in complete silence

nothing is nothing in the end

the end is where EVERYTHING starts

including sound, time, ideas…

everything was an explosion once

enormous force without any order

explosive force gave birth to space

and i was that explosion once

and an explosion i’ll be many times again

shattered into many pieces

i’ll become star’s dust

again and again

i’ll grow

from the end

to the beginning.

Ars longa, vita brevis

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2012 by Linata

I genuinely believe that short lifespan for an artist is a blessing from gods for being a ‘maverick’.

If there’s any justice in this world I hope to die relatively young and i hope to die suddenly.

But gods have strange sense of humour….and of course I’ll be dying slowly and painfully…regretting every moment I haven’t lived fully….

Autumn

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2012 by Linata

Ode to solitude

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2012 by Linata

“I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room — I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful — awful beyond all — but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It’s being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I’ll quote Ibsen, “The strongest men are the most alone.” I’ve never thought, “Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” No, that won’t help. You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!” 
― Charles Bukowski