my experience of PTSD – 7

crisis breaks us. u find yourself laying on the ground covered in mud with no helping hand in sight. in stead people do not notice your presence on the ground..and step on you…often without saying “i’m sorry”. but this is not what this entry is going to be about. when you find yourself on the floor, covered in mud, with broken ribs (dreams), wounded and bleeding…death might appear like a very favorable option. but if you reject this option you start grabbing for life with insane greediness…you are learning to survive with outstanding eagerness…at this point you would try anything…and u commit to surviving. crisis can leave u deeply wounded. you might need to learn how to walk again…or may be even how to use a wheel chair…and these limitations can make you VERY VERY VERY angry…but if you choose life you also choose to accept these limitations…you learn how to deal with them…how to live with them….it takes a lot of emotional, mental, spiritual progression to learn how to live your life within certain constraints….most of us never experience this until very old age….illness both mental and physical can make you feel incredibly miserable and hopeless. but…after denial, anger, and resentment…comes acceptance. this is when miracles happen. when you accept your situation/condition you learn to adapt to it. you are forced to practice problem-solving skills. and most importantly, you are given an opportunity to apply your will. crisis can become a very empowering experience. when you survive through something horrendous you can either break down………….or you can become extremely powerful. it is not a kind of power you receive from the external world. the world will most likely do the opposite….but it’s a sort of power that comes from within. when you overcome a great personal challenge you become someone else. you become a new ‘you’. this new ‘you’ is a hero of your own world. nobody needs to tell you that…there’s no need for anyone’s recognition….because of the extent of such battle you become a much stronger person. the experience of overcoming a great challenge transforms you on all possible levels. every cell of your body will remember how hard this process has been. and once you realise the limitations of this life you stop taking things for granted. blessed are those who can afford taking things for granted. but even more blessed are those who have stopped taking things for granted because something precious was taken away from them. yes, i’m different from majority of people of my age. a lot of them could never understand me. a lot of them never truly struggled. but we all face crisis at one point or another. and the more you overcome the more precious life becomes. we value things we invest in. when you learn to deal with crisis you also learn to invest in your life. not in terms of money….career….recognition…but in terms of things that really matter in life…sort of things you might regret not doing when you face death….and after that…..you just can’t quite take these things for granted. each day becomes an opportunity for a small personal victory. every tiny step away from crisis can become a source of personal pride.

strangely, the worst phase of your life can also be the best one. i just haven’t got the time/energy anymore to waste my life on people/surroundings that bring me down. i’ve changed.

crisis is where the change starts.

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