my experience of PTSD – 4

had a nightmare last night. woke up screaming, my body shaking, my heart pounding like mad…spent an hour calming myself down and went back to sleep. woke up 2 hours later still feeling terrified. i hate my fear. the worst part is that it feels absolutely real…my heart is still racing…i know i’ll spend the whole day absolutely terrified of everything and everyone. i just want to climb into some sort of hole and hide there until this overwhelming feeling goes away. i hate my fear as much as it hates me. i hate how vulnerable and powerless it makes me feel. today is not going to be a good day. all i can do is wait for another day.


3 Responses to “my experience of PTSD – 4”

  1. Nothing you can do to get out of it? Make a cup of tea and sit down with a book, go for a walk? Write more?
    Here’s a thinking of you- hug…

  2. i’m feeling a bit better. thank you. in this type of scenarios i learnt to not fight against it and let it sink it, this way i know i’ll feel better long term.
    thanks for your kindness.

  3. Ok, yes we and I have experience fear the same way. Now my experience of fear is the opposite. There is no right or wrong good or bad with fear. It is an emotion a small small part of the expansive mind we have.

    We all have every emotion so an emotion does not separate us or isolate us it brings us together. Fear is powerful and as you know my last three posts on my blog are about dissociation and fear.

    let me share my path and relationship with fear. I learned fear or all emotions are not who I am. We all have experienced fear, pain, joy, sadness despair grief etc so it can not be who we are.

    Our trauma fear is part of the disorder and this part is an illusion, delusion or mirage. We Experince fear because our amygdala, an almond shaped organ in the brain which handles our defense. It activates our fight or flight mechanism. It is part of that jolt you feel when triggered. That is the cortisol and adrenaline of the adrenal stress response.

    Our past trauma is stored when it happens with the abilities at that moment. Childhood trauma is easy to spot because we say I feel like a kid when this comes up. Our trauma is long over except the amygdala is disordered.

    Go stop traffic with your thought and see what power your thoughts really have.

    Fear is my friend. It keeps me from placing my hand in the hot flame on the stove. Itkeeps me from opening up a door on a plane inflight. it keeps me from shouting fire in a crowded therater.

    I have went out for a walk and activated my fear with an image of a bear attacking me. We can play with our fear. I have now.

    I am healed and the same fear thoughts fade without interests. Now it is habit to be present and leave thoughts brought by the ego fade. I dismiss or give no energy to any thought arriving in my consciousness now.

    PTSD can not fuel in the present moment.

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