Archive for June, 2010

pieces…

Posted in Uncategorized on June 22, 2010 by Linata

i am just a fragment…a piece that you choose to see…framed by time…interpreted by your own perception…meet me five years later and you might see another fragment…you might decide that i’ve changed…but may be it’s just the time that changed…or your own perception…how easy it is to dismiss other factors…that’s why i’m just a fragment…never the entire picture…you choose me to be just that. because it is easier to wrap yourself around a piece of something…even if you don’t like it you can still manage to have it…to own it…and by doing so…to know it. that selected fracture of me becomes yours. you might think that i’m losing myself to others piece by piece…but no…it’s you who is losing me. you started losing me from the first day.  because you never wanted me. you failed to see the whole thing. but you chose to own… just that tiny fragment. now, have it. it’s yours. i never belonged to you. or you. or you. or you…

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what i’ve been called so far (not even going to start with my surname)

Posted in Uncategorized on June 17, 2010 by Linata

Nat Lima

Nat

Natulia

Natafke

Nafania

Natania

Natalie

Natali (stress on i)

Natashenka

Natashute

Natochka

Natalich

Natashka

Natusik

Natalka

Nata

Natasha

Natalja

Natik

Nati (stress on ‘a’)

on weakness

Posted in Uncategorized on June 17, 2010 by Linata

often, strength comes from the least expected sources.keep the channels open. and it shall be given to you.

31.05.2010

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2010 by Linata

Zoya..that was my gramda’s name…she was truly extraordinary…the centre of my family…the sun around which everything was revolving…she influenced 3 generations of people..not everyone agreed with her…she was a very strong person…and quite opinionated…but I never saw her as rough or ruthless..

To me she was the kindest person on this planet. So gentle. And so endlessly caring. If not for her I don’t know what I’d be today. She always believed in doing the right thing. An idealist. She never gave up. she was a fighter. She wasn’t scared of a struggle. She welcomed hard work. she was 15 when she had to work as a nurse on the train during world war II. she saw loads of pain. She learnt to tolerate death at a very early age. her mom died when she was 13. she had nowhere to go so she begged to be sent to war. She was so persistent they couldn’t tolerate it anymore. So she went. All the way to Berlin. And then there was post-war times. Poverty. She got married. And they moved to Kazakhstan. She raised 4 children. All of them know how to make their own clothes, build a house, grow food, basically work hard…but still remain joyful. She liked to sing. Everyone in my family sings. She also liked to make things with her hands. She could never stop. As long as she could sit she was sawing and knitting. She always said that it is important to put your soul into everything you do. Otherwise don’t do it at all. No wander all the pastries and soups she made were so amazingly tasty. Everywhere she went she left a piece of herself. People adored her. But no one dared to abuse her kindness. She was firm. And she was fair. She always liked spending time with younger people. She said that’s the best way to remain young. She knew how to listen. She cared. Even when I was little she listened to what I had to say. We would sit in her room and watch the birds and the trees outside. I would make observations and she would smile at me. She said that she could notice all the same things that I did. And she could see patterns. In objects, subjects, or events. She read up until her last days. Her hunger for knowledge was limitless. She was interested in everything. And she knew pretty much everything. She did not like arguing about facts though. She knew that she would still be right. And she always was. She had really warm hands and she hugged me more than anybody else ever did. She was very sensitive and could not stand arrogant people. She was patient. But you would never want to test her patience. She was frightening when furious. I never experienced that though. I never wanted to upset my grandma. Why would I? She liked me for who I was and was always proud of me.  That is probably why I am who I am today. And although she’s not here with us anymore, I know that she is with me. She is in my heart. She is a big part of me. And for the rest of my life we will be together. This bond can not be destroyed by anything. I am very proud to be her granddaughter. I learnt from the best. And for that I’m endlessly thankful.

life

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2010 by Linata

life is the state of constant tension between polar opposites…for every notion there’s an opposite..any action creates a reaction…plus and minus constantly pollarising each other…making us throw ourselves from one extreme to another..and we climb towards the zero..and break ourselves in this process as the tension is stronger that any of our attmepts..and it’s life itself..breathing..shaking..moving…zero is death. and beyond that point all pluses and minuses intersect and everything becomes nothing. everything is nothing only with opposite definitions..and in this sense death competes with life. creates tension that’s beyond our control. it makes us shiver. it makes scared. scared of absolute emptiness, which we can’t fill with anything. but something is what we all like. we like to take this something and play with it. use it. waste it. adore it. hate it. throw it at ourselves. throw it at each other. big orgy of life. big orgy of pain. and while our hearts are still beating our souls search for the ultimate.and ultimate lays in the struggle. struggle between the opposites. and through this struggle we find peace. at least for a moment. we fly over the journeys we’ve made in order to find the opposite of what we had been attracted to in the past. and we find these distances fascinating. and we pause in awe. until our need to move takes over. and out hearts start convulsing from hunger. hunger for tension. hunger for love. hunger for life. hunger for never being compltely full. alive. we are all so alive. in all this madness i see divine beauty. i see omnipresence.i understand the harmony. i become united…with everything..and nothing..

i guess this is what someone would call God

chaos theory_explored

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 9, 2010 by Linata

great joy comes when doing random things. these have to remain random though. overindulgence might end with catastrophic results. handle chaos with care

Seven simple rules for a life in hiding:

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on June 1, 2010 by Linata

1. never trust a cop in a raincoat. 2. beware of enthusiasm and of love, each is temporary and quick to sway. 3. by asked if you care about the world’s problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will not ask you again. 4. & 5. never give your real name & if ever told to look at yourself, never look. 6. never say or do anything the person standing in front of you cannot understand. 7. never create anything, it will be misinterpreted. it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life. it will never change.

-Bob Dylan